WHO DOES THIS MR. WALTERS THINK HE IS?

If there is one thing I excel in, it is writing poorly about himself. Oh I'll start writing a new biography blurb, but I will then find any reason to go do something else. These excuses seem pretty serious at the time, but let's face it, doesn't the laundry always need to be done, and do I really neep to stop everything I'm doing to watch Eight Is Enough? The whole thing is like having teeth pulled.

In order to help those of you out there who would really like to learn more about the man known as Mr. Walters, and knowing that I would never finish writing anything on my own, I've taken a page from the influential, publication Teen Beat... Actually, I really have. Bellow are my own brief answers to a list of trivial questions asked of some teen dreamboat in the pages of Tean Beat. Hopefully, the information you can gather via this format will give you more insight into the man who is Mr. Walters and what influences his work.

MR. WALTERS TEEN BEAT QUESTIONAIRE!

NAME > Mr. Walters

BIRTHDATE > Late April sometime after the signing of the Magna Carta

BIRTHPLACE > Atlanta, Georgia

CURRENT RESIDENCE > Berwyn, Illinois

WEIGHT > I haven't really weighed myself in a long time, but I think it would be safe to say that I weigh somewhere between forty-eight pounds and nine tons.

HEIGHT > This is another thing I haven't checked in a while, but I can definitely say that I am less than a storey tall.

HAIR COLOR
> I think most people would call it 'blond', but if it were a paint color it would be called 'harvest impressions.'

EYE COLOR > Bluetastic!

PARENTS' NAMES > Mr. and Mrs. Walters

PETS > Two pugs that go by the handles 'Loki' and 'Rufus', and a red ear slider turtle by the handle of 'Ivan."

FIRST AMBITION
> To do what it took to survive in this cold, harsh world.

FAVORITE SPORT > Zeppelin racing... Now that I think about it, I think that sport only exists in my imagination. Sigh.

FAVORITE BAND
> I have pretty eclectic musical tastes, so it is kind of difficult to point to one artist or group as my number one favorite. However, no matter what I'm feeling like I can always put on and appreciate the underappreciated genius of Rufus Thomas.

FAVORITE ACTOR
> I hate to play favorites. How many times has answering questions like this gotten me into trouble with the likes of Ernest Borgnine? Word gets back to Hollywood and the next thing I know I'm on the phone for hours trying to convince an actor that I think they are really talented, and that I said Michael Caine by accident.

FAVORITE ACTRESS
> Diana Rigg

FAVORITE TV SHOW > The Streets of San Francisco

FAVORITE FOOD > Interstate Quality Potato Rounds

FAVORITE COLOR > Olive green

FAVORITE CAR > I know a tank isn't technically a car, but I'm going to have say tank. Tanks are pretty freakin' awesome! I can't imagine driving anything else.

FAVORITE SCHOOL SUBJECT
> Art

LEAST FAVORITE SCHOOL SUBJECT
> Gym

PASTIMES/HOBBIES > I'm not sure I would categorize my artistic endeavors as 'hobbies', but I guess some people might see them that way. I enjoy reading, and yes, more than just comic books. I'm also enjoy watching good films and television shows and awful ones, too. When I get the chance I like to ride my bicycle and take walks around the neighborhood. I also seem to have a number of collections taking up space in the house. To list all the things I have more than two of and that serve little functional use that I've picked up over the years would be a bit too lengthy. Visitors to my house will find all kinds of toys and knick knacks all over the place.

IF YOU HAD ONE WISH, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
> I would like to be able to create the work I want to do and to make a living off of it.

WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GIRL? > Being married, I can no longer look for anything in a girl. Please stop sending the resumes ladies.

PERFECT WAY TO SPENT A DATE > Good food, stimulating conversation, a few games of Connect Four, and a surprise visit from George Takei!

FAVORITE CHILDHOOD MEMORY > There isn't one specific moment, but I do fondly look back on when I would play around in our backyard, and exploring the ditch and woods that neighbored our property.

DESCRIBE YOURSELF
> I'm like this guy who draws these goofy things and then puts them up on my web site. I make my green as a graphic designer for a package design firm here in Chicago, and I am completely non-fictional.

WHERE DO YOU GO TO GET AWAY FROM IT ALL
> My studio, which is my personal sanctum sanctorum. I'd love to say it was my private compound on an island in the Caribbean, but my sticker sales really need to pick up before that can happen.

WHAT ERA WOULD YOU VISIT AND WHY? > The distant future, but not during some robot war... That would stink. Sure, I would be behind the curve on a lot of things, but I think my hillbilly charms would win the citizens of the future over.

IF YOU COULDN'T BE IN SHOW BIZ, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? > I don't want to imagine a world where I couldn't be in show biz. No, I won't do it and you can't make me!

WHAT INANIMATE OBJECT WOULD YOU BE? > A small amount of magnesium sulfide. Magnesium sulfide has it going on!

WHAT'S SOMETHING PEOPLE WOULD BE SURPRISED TO KNOW ABOUT YOU? > I kicked Dracula in the nuts once.

PERSONAL MESSAGE TO YOUR FANS > You guys are the greatest! We should really go get lunch sometime. Seriously, drop me a line and we'll set something up.


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