NEVER ASKED QUESTIONS

Q. Who in the name of Paul Lynde's ghost do you think you are really?If not really, who aren't you?
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Billy Abernathy,
Smallville, Kansas

A. We are a group of like-minded individuals dedicated to the Nerfect way of life and its teachings.This is also a forum for artist Britton Walters to display his special Nerfect projects.

Q. Where is the most unusual place that you've... you know... seen the Beverly Hillbillies?
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Dr. Anna Kahnda M.D., Sulfur Springs, Montana

A. Research has proven that the weirdest place has been aboard a jet airliner high above the glaciers of Greenland.

Q. 'Ello 'ello, what's all this then?
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Constable Roger Yorwyfe, Chelsea, England

A. In accordance with a 1997 lawsuit we have been ordered to make public all information regarding Nerfect Worldwide, but we like think of this site as an entertaining and useful educational resource. We invite you to enjoy our site and products responsibly.

Q. What is George Takei really like?
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Al Pastor, Dayton, Ohio

A. In the few brief moments in which we met a few years back, he seemed very personable and friendly. I honestly believe he would let you have a few of his fries if you asked nice enough.

Q. None of my pants fit anymore. What should I do?
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Patty Melt, Dacula, Georgia

A. Stop wearing pants.

Q. I can't get something I downloaded from your site to work right. Is there something wrong with me? I've often been told that there is.
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Sara Bellum, Delray Beach, Florida

A. In my opinion, you might probably suffering from sort of disorder fashionable in the age of Queen Victoria. If a regular regimen of eel liver oil tonics and turpentine baths does not remedy the situation, please check out our technical support area.

Q. Are you the man?
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Capt. Horatio Crunch, Crunch Island

A. No, you are the man.

Q. I'm antsy, when will you update your site?
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Cooper Black,
Italic, Pennsylvania

A. There is a theory in physics that states in a point in the far and distant future the universe will collapse upon itself. The numbers have been run through our computer and it is safe to say that we should be able to update this site a good two or three times before then.

Q. There seems to be a lot of talk about a "Mr. Walters" on this "web site", does he really exist?
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Melvina Wyrzuc-Tirar, Austin, Texas

A. The legends about Mr. Walters, amusing as they are, have their origins in real places, persons, events and stuff. You can find out more about Mr. Walters by reading his brief biography here.

Q. What do you have against Canada?
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Sir Dustin Diamond, Pasadena, California

A. What don't I have against Canada?

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